Whumping
by dolphinrain
Summary: Just what would happen if the Five-O ever saw the fanfictions. How would they react? Just written for a little laugh.


Whumping

(Disclaimer: I own nothing from Hawaii Five-O and am writing simply for the enjoyment of it. Although I wouldn't mind having Scott Caan wearing just a bow for my birthday! This story is written entirely tongue-in-cheek and meant to be silly.)

Steve looked up from the papers on his desk to see Danny storming into the office and kicking his chair out from under his own desk. Steve knew from the expression on Danny's face that the detective was furious.

"What's going on, Danny?" he asked. "Something wrong?"

"No, yes," was the reply. "Grace showed me this website that people go on and write stories."

"So people write stories. Sounds okay."

"But they write about us. Well, pretty much anything. I don't know how, but they know everything about us." Danny suddenly slapped the computer and swore at it. "I hate this thing!"

Kono and Catherine walked in just as Danny slapped the computer again.

"Downloading porn again, Danny?" Catherine chuckled.

"I will have you know I have never watched any of that garbage and have no need of it."

"No, Danny just goes and pays for a date," Kono added.

Danny's face reddened. "Not funny and not the source of my irritation at the moment." He slapped his screen again.

"Hey, break it and it comes out of your salary!" Steve said coming over.

"Well perhaps, if it would work properly, I wouldn't need to abuse it," Danny snapped.

Kono sighed as she came over. "What are you trying to do?"

"He's trying to find some sight where people are writing stories about us," Steve said.

"Egotist," Catherine laughed. She pointed to the screen.

Kono rolled her eyes and typed into the search engine. After a few minutes of searching the words fanfiction came up and she clicked on it.

"This site is huge. Okay, here we are."

"Holy…" was all Steve could say.

"What the hell?"

"What the…"

"Danny whumpage? What the hell is whumping?" Danny asked.

Kono randomly clicked on one of the titles. She read a few lines and started laughing.

"Since when did you and Steve become an item?"

"What?!" Steve and Danny exclaimed in unison.

Kono was already into another entry. Catherine was looking over her shoulder.

"Wow, Danny," Catherine laughed. "I didn't know pineapple turns you into a werewolf."

"Maybe that is why I hate pineapple so much."

Steve was now looking over Kono's shoulder. He hit the scroll button and clicked on a title. His curiosity was fueled by nosiness and concern if anything vital about Five-O was exposed. He noted all the alerts to whumping on himself and his team.

As they continued to read the titles and small portions of the entries, Chin wandered in. He saw the group gathered at Danny's desk and came over.

"Danny on the porn again?"

"I am going to ignore that statement for the idiotic garbage it is," Danny glared at him. One more mention of porn and he was going to hit someone, anyone.

"Wow, Danny, either they really like you," Steve said as he kept reading. "Or they really hate you. You've been kidnapped, beaten, shot, burned and stabbed. You've had the craziest chicks stalk you." He paused under a story. "Hey, Grace is in some of these."

That got Danny's attention. He pushed Steve aside as he read what had gotten Steve's attention. He read and as he did his face grew redder with anger.

"They put Grace in danger in these," he yelled.

"Danny, it's just stories," Chin said.

"I don't give a rat's ass. They imagined Grace in danger. I don't care about the other stuff…"

"Even you and Steve as lovers?" Catherine asked.

"Do not go there. Kono, can you put a virus out there on these things?"

"Danny, you can't stifle someone's creativity even if you don't like it," Kono reasoned.

"I have no intention of stifling anyone, but if they write anything about Grace again, I want to know."

"Why?"

"Because, if anything really does happen to Grace, fiction or not, they are going to get more tickets than anyone ever has had in the history of traffic violations."

"I can say the same thing about you looking up porn," Steve said.

Danny glared at him. Anger flashed across his face as he slowly reached for his gun.

"You just had to go there," Danny growled.

"Danny, I have an idea," Chin said. "Just listen to me."

In the days and weeks ahead, more fanfiction stories appeared. Nothing the Five-O team did could stop it. However, Danny did send messages to the ones who put Grace in danger, even fictionally, that they would see an increase of traffic violations and if he personally saw them, there would be some of the worst cases of wedgies the world has ever seen.

(Okay, that's it. Like I said, this was just for fun and not meant to be taken seriously. Hope it gave you a good laugh.)


End file.
